you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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