she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
