So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
