Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I understand Curling. That high.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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