so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
