I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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