so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
