Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
