I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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