you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize