Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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