Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
