He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
