if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
