You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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