My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My liver just had a heart attack.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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