No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
