My first STD was from a foam party
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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