Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
