There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
