evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize