All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
