I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
