i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
