Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
