Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
