Your face is a jimmy john
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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