There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
