You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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