he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
