so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
