i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
