Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
