batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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