Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
