Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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