so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I touched a dick in church today
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
