eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
