Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
