Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
