I cockslap morals
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
