I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize