know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This is classic penis vs brain.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
