My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
