no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
