I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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