You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
