I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
