Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
