This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
