you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
