I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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