Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Boobs speak an international language.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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