He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
