Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
