Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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