I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
