I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
