When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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