He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize