can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
