Your tits are I can't wait for
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
