Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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