she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize