i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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