you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
