Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
