Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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