Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Someone came in the potted fern
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
did i just pee glitter
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
