Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
