dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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