After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
