VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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