We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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