i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize