I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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