I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
