I like to think it a success when the cops are called
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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