Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize