I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
