yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
