I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the room spins SO much faster in panama
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize