goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
