We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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