And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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