I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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