she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize