I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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