Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
