Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If I die, sorry about rent.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize