I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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