i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
