where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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