He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
