party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
