Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
What changed your mind?
Being sober
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize