Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
