i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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