Please, let me fuck your mom
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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