Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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