it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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