For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
