I wish I could punch you in the face.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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