I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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