if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
