So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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