if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
