So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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