he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
