My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
