i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
